I just made a photo slideshow for YouTube. See it: Here

It is a collection of photos me and me holding my Art, over the past two years. The song I chose is sad, emotional but seemed fitting. Aurora, Winter Bird. It is an Indie song. I mostly paint hearing Indie music because its melodic, dream-like and trance like at times.

2020 has been an excruciating year. I think all of us can say that. I tried to record a video of me talking and burst into tears. The audio was so horrible, I am not able to release it.

I have been an Artist for two years almost, and people still do not know who I am. The art world has come to a halt because of Covid 19. Online galleries is all there is. I can’t go to craft fairs, or anyplace local, I have to strictly stay online.

I had a turbulent, emotional year waiting for work at the first part, then getting an amazing, high paying job in March. The catch was I had to watch a 91 year old man, and be his Caregiver twenty four hours a day. I lasted five months until I had a tooth abcess from two cavities and as in extreme pain for weeks.

In mid July, his health got worse. He had a UTI that made worse his already delicate dementia. I found him outside early morning on the ground, half naked, and nobody saw him! He had been there two hours. I had one of those moments with him you see in the movies. I had been frustrated with him the past week because of my pain levels, and gave a panicked apology as we waited for the ambulance. He said I was wonderful, and repeated again later before he died. I never saw him again after that morning.

He died on August 14, 2020 from natural causes. Looking back at photos, some you will see in the video of me in a white room is sad now. I was able to paint about four paintings while I was there. Only painted one since I have been back.

I have a rule that I don’t go near a canvas when I can’t get my emotions together enough to have it be anything cohesive.

You have to let go and surrender when you are an Expressionist because that is what the work requires. You have to see emotions on the canvas, and have it speak to you. Then you let it flow out and I have no idea what is going to happen. I let the process take over.

For some reason, I could not paint this past summer all that much.

Sometimes it goes like that. Hard times came upon me, my religious faith took a hit, I had to get back on my feet, and it is just been a year that I wish would die, almost done though.

So the song Winter Bird fits me, as I stumble through the mess, hoping to emerge stronger on the other side.

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